Mr. B and the Terrible Diaper

I am, to say the least, an extravagant story teller.

It is one of the things that Mr. Darling says he loves about me. The way I tell a story that might have been very simple to start out with but in the end involves dinosaurs and flying sheep. And then there are my hands that swing about during a story showing this and that, how big or how little and where and what. Add in my facial expressions and things can become pretty crazy during a story about my day.

Unfortunately for you, you do not get to see any of this. I do not even have images for you! Because even though I am a professional photographer, in the interest of protecting my kids and their parents privacy, I will simply have to paint an image with words for you.

So, picture this: a beautiful sunny morning, the birds are singing, it's about 6am and I am off to Mr. B's for the day. Mr. B is just about 13 months old and quite the sweetheart. He has eyes that are deep brown and the size of saucers. His face is round and matches his adorably chubby legs and tummy. One of my favorite things about Mr. B is that he looooves to giggle. It is like the Gerber Baby! Or angels singing. Just fabulous.

As mentioned, this was like any other early morning that I headed to take care of Mr. B. His Mommy Dearest was off to work for the day and gave me all the necessary updates that come with dealing with a little one: eats this, doesn't like this, tried walking, ate some dog food... And as she walked out the door she paused and turned slowly, "Yesterday Mr. B had a really messy diaper. Should be all better today...just wanted to let you know." And before I could return said "messy diaper" man to his mother and high tail it back to my warm bed, she was in the car and down the road. "Well Mr. B...should be all better today, right?" I took his single-tooth slobbery grin as a "Good to go!" and off we went to play.

Walk, nap, snack, playground, lunch, playroom. Finally along comes afternoon nap. Every parents (and PT Parents) dream! As I settled Mr. B into a clean diaper and cozy sleeping clothes, we read his sleep-time books and tucked him in. Now, Mr B is the one kid who will without fail fall asleep within moments of me leaving his room. His parents are blessed. This day was different though. After about 20 minutes I could hear on the baby monitor that he was still restless, so I trekked my way up there and peeked slowly into his room. Wait...didn't I put him in a white sleeper? Wait....what. is. that.damn. There was the aforementioned poopy diaper. And really messy did not describe it. It looked more like an atomic poo bomb had went off inside Mr. B's crib and he was right in the middle at Ground Zero, grinning.

"Upsy-do poo king," I said as I carefully lifted him (dripping) out of his crib. As I stripped his now soiled sleeping clothes off of him, he chattered away at me, obviously delighted that we were a.) Still playing when it was supposed to be naptime b.) Standing up to change his diaper (He HATES having his diaper change. An incentive to potty train quickly!) and c.) The nasty atomic poo diaper was finally being dealt with.

As I tried to decide if a bath was in order or if wet wipes could handle the job, Mr. B promptly reached his adorably chubby fingers around his tinny backside to see exactly what was going on. What I had counted as a success that he had not gotten it all over his hands/face quickly turned into a failure. At that very moment my Super Woman powers erupted and as deftly as I could I cleaned Mr. B up, diapered, clothed and sat him to play, stripped his bed and then began the search for new bed clothes.

"Grump grump grump," as I mentally made a note to ask EVERY new parent from here on out where they keep clean bed clothes. AHA! Under the bed, obviously.

Clean bed. Clean baby. Not so clean PT Mother.

Moments after I left his room, Mr. B fell soundly asleep. It's easy to do when you are not shrouded in poo.

And minutes later after I had gotten the soiled bed and sleeping clothes into the washer and scrubbed my hands and face thoroughly, I sat down on the sofa and looked at the clock and could not helping laughing to myself. A little crazily maybe. That whole eon long poo clouded time of my life lasted only about 6 minutes. Amazing. -PTM

What was the longest 6 minutes of our life?

Welcome!

Hello all,

I think the hardest thing is starting out. I have about ten stories back logged in my brain that I am just itching to share with you! But I feel that I must do this the right way and start out with a formal "Welcome" and "Thank you for reading" post. Maybe a little biography isn't bad either...then you at least know who you are dealing with.

I have been babysitting for the past 12 years (more if you count the times I was left in charge of my younger siblings!). It was my first job as a teenager. I earned my keep so to speak watching kids while their parents went out to movies or meetings. There were little terrors that I thought I would not survive and darling angels that I have watched grow-up over the years. No matter what though, I loved my time taking care of children. Even the monsters.

Now, with 12 years of experience and 12 years of my life behind me, I still babysit for a handful of families. It fills in the gaps that come with owning my own business that still has yet to earn it's keep. It also gets me out of the house (my business is run out of my home) and allows me the chance to snuggle, cuddle and play with children . Yes, one day my husband and I will have out own children, but we just got married and Mr. Darling and I are quite happily enjoying married life sans kids. One day we will invite a precious child into our love-filled relationship, but for now, we prefer to spend all of that love on one another. **And God help me when the day comes for me to find my own Part-Time Mother. God help those who apply for the position! The requirements and expectations are going to be pretty high.**

And so, I take my mothering skills and internal instincts and hire myself out as a Part-Time Mother to parents who are seeking someone who will love and care for their child just as they would! All the quirks and particulars included. Sometimes they are just in dire need of a little time away and at that instance I take on a Super Woman appearance, red cape and all, always arriving at the right moment. And when my time is done for the day and the parents return renewed and ready to take on full-time parenting again, I depart. And sometimes that is the best part about being Part-Time...the chance to leave work at work and only take home stories.

I think that is all the introduction you need. Let the stories begin!

Motherly Hugs,

PTM