I am, to say the least, an extravagant story teller.
It is one of the things that Mr. Darling says he loves about me. The way I tell a story that might have been very simple to start out with but in the end involves dinosaurs and flying sheep. And then there are my hands that swing about during a story showing this and that, how big or how little and where and what. Add in my facial expressions and things can become pretty crazy during a story about my day.
Unfortunately for you, you do not get to see any of this. I do not even have images for you! Because even though I am a professional photographer, in the interest of protecting my kids and their parents privacy, I will simply have to paint an image with words for you.
So, picture this: a beautiful sunny morning, the birds are singing, it's about 6am and I am off to Mr. B's for the day. Mr. B is just about 13 months old and quite the sweetheart. He has eyes that are deep brown and the size of saucers. His face is round and matches his adorably chubby legs and tummy. One of my favorite things about Mr. B is that he looooves to giggle. It is like the Gerber Baby! Or angels singing. Just fabulous.
As mentioned, this was like any other early morning that I headed to take care of Mr. B. His Mommy Dearest was off to work for the day and gave me all the necessary updates that come with dealing with a little one: eats this, doesn't like this, tried walking, ate some dog food... And as she walked out the door she paused and turned slowly, "Yesterday Mr. B had a really messy diaper. Should be all better today...just wanted to let you know." And before I could return said "messy diaper" man to his mother and high tail it back to my warm bed, she was in the car and down the road. "Well Mr. B...should be all better today, right?" I took his single-tooth slobbery grin as a "Good to go!" and off we went to play.
Walk, nap, snack, playground, lunch, playroom. Finally along comes afternoon nap. Every parents (and PT Parents) dream! As I settled Mr. B into a clean diaper and cozy sleeping clothes, we read his sleep-time books and tucked him in. Now, Mr B is the one kid who will without fail fall asleep within moments of me leaving his room. His parents are blessed. This day was different though. After about 20 minutes I could hear on the baby monitor that he was still restless, so I trekked my way up there and peeked slowly into his room. Wait...didn't I put him in a white sleeper? Wait....what. is. that.damn. There was the aforementioned poopy diaper. And really messy did not describe it. It looked more like an atomic poo bomb had went off inside Mr. B's crib and he was right in the middle at Ground Zero, grinning.
"Upsy-do poo king," I said as I carefully lifted him (dripping) out of his crib. As I stripped his now soiled sleeping clothes off of him, he chattered away at me, obviously delighted that we were a.) Still playing when it was supposed to be naptime b.) Standing up to change his diaper (He HATES having his diaper change. An incentive to potty train quickly!) and c.) The nasty atomic poo diaper was finally being dealt with.
As I tried to decide if a bath was in order or if wet wipes could handle the job, Mr. B promptly reached his adorably chubby fingers around his tinny backside to see exactly what was going on. What I had counted as a success that he had not gotten it all over his hands/face quickly turned into a failure. At that very moment my Super Woman powers erupted and as deftly as I could I cleaned Mr. B up, diapered, clothed and sat him to play, stripped his bed and then began the search for new bed clothes.
"Grump grump grump," as I mentally made a note to ask EVERY new parent from here on out where they keep clean bed clothes. AHA! Under the bed, obviously.
Clean bed. Clean baby. Not so clean PT Mother.
Moments after I left his room, Mr. B fell soundly asleep. It's easy to do when you are not shrouded in poo.
And minutes later after I had gotten the soiled bed and sleeping clothes into the washer and scrubbed my hands and face thoroughly, I sat down on the sofa and looked at the clock and could not helping laughing to myself. A little crazily maybe. That whole eon long poo clouded time of my life lasted only about 6 minutes. Amazing. -PTM
What was the longest 6 minutes of our life?
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